I have left the collective last thursday and since then I see clearly how much this membership constrained me the last months. At the beginning I was excited and proud to be good enough to be asked to join. I realized quite quickly that there was an underlying unhealthy atmosphere in the coop. It was wonderful to get a lot of inspiration by being involved in events/exhibitions but it was also devastating and depressing to be involved in an ongoing feud of vanity. Good vibes were fading, walking on eggshells was normal and hardly any open word was spoken.
It is amazing how free one can feel suddenly!
I will take time to think about the future. One thing is clear, I am not regretting the past 3 years, I could have stopped earlier of course. It was an important time for my own development. I realize, wherever I go, I'll always take a burden with me - myself, my demand on myself, my values which are not negotiable, my sometimes for others hard to understand honesty. Well it is me, who makes life difficult for myself, when I don't adapt to other people which are more easy going.
I am looking forward to enjoy doing what I like to do, to felt when I feel for felting, to knit when I feel for knitting and to paint when I feel for painting. And I want to paint again. I haven't been painting since I joined the coop, I was only welcome with feltwork. I will practise again, play with brush and paint whenever I feel for.
I will have a stall at markets together with 2 felter friends. I will start to sell online and most important
I will have a life again !!